The Beginning of the Expedition

The expedition was not something the three adventurers took lightly. It was a trip that would not be easy, but the significiant scientific interest was deemed to outweigh the risk to life and limb, and the three decided that they could not in all conscience fail to attempt it. The two brothers (one smoker, one non) awoke one early, misty Sunday morning and descended the stairs and found that a fry was already in conflagration in their kitchen. 'So you got up then, after being called for the third time?', came the words from the familiar, though as yet still indistinct, voice from that culinary vicinity. The fat of the sizzling fry that lay before them would have been enough to put off the most intrepid explorer, but it did not deter our protagonists, who had by now received the back-up of Liam, fry-eater extraordinaire. The first dragon of their journey lying slain, it was but the work of a moment for the trio to decant themselves into the coach of a fellow voyager, known to the group as James the cousin.

The first day was spent in the various vicissitudes that plague a journey of such length, and yet which tend to lend its passage something approaching the name of interest. Firstly, there was the hilarious event of getting lost when the companion riding post forgot that maps had edges and other sides. While the humour was not shared by the whole group, the team of horses were soon riding along the beaten track once more. At this time, within the coach the travellers were entertaining themselves with many ingenious games of wit. Notable amongst such games was what has famously become known as The Non-Smoker's Dilemma. It intrigued in its deceptive simplicity, for it simply consisted in asking 'what would you rather be, a sheep or a cow?' The full gamut of the frivolous and the serious followed forthwith, one humourous conjecture being that being a cow would be the safer option with the fry-eater around. It was believed that sheep were moreover simply stupid as chips. But at this point the delegates split as to which was the more stupid, even at one point intimating that it was the framer of the question himself! (ah, childlike fun and mirthmaking, who can fault you?)

The coach, at length, reached the end of its final stage, a coastal village of the name of Glaway, at which point there was a great deal of discussion as to the next step. The mechanised money-seller, the open house and the hostelry all beckoned, but when the fry-eater made plain the logic of the order he suggested, it was hard to argue with him (for the complementary reason of his physical girth, as much as anything else). Then on entering the hostelry and depositing their luggage, it was deciding to avoid a quick change by a simple application in the entrance of the hostelry of a tres masculin eau de toilette. Malheuresement, la manageure de cet établissement n'aime pas le sent de cet eau de toilette, et dit quelque chose que n'était pas tres drole. Entre vous et moi, la manageure était un vrai ... je m'excuse, mais je me semble etre parlant en francais, mais pour quelle raison, ... ahh l'eau de toilette! Oui, c'était un peu fort peut-etre.

Alors, the group which had by now met James the cousin's sister, who is know to the group as Teresa the cousine, and her husband John, known to the group as John, decided to go and find nourishment for both the body and the soul without further ado. The non-smoker collected the order and ordered it at the bar of a local open house. Unfortunately, he forgot to order the smoker's dinner, as the smoker had been out smoking, and so when the dinner came the non-smoker had to offer his dinner to the smoker, which the smoker duly and without discussion received. The fry-eater offered the non-smoker a taste of his dinner, once it he had consumed the greater part. And so it was with a heavy heart and a light stomach that the non-smoker began to drink his well-earned pint of guinness. The rest of the evening has been censored due to the lack of supportable evidence.